


Moondust and Starlight

by absuholute



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, character with disability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2019-01-04 23:22:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12178491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/absuholute/pseuds/absuholute
Summary: Moondust and Starlight is a supposedly typical college story of a guy stealing a kiss from another guy. The former is Kim Jongdae, an ordinaryvillagerstudent and the latter is Kim Junmyeon, the campus Little Prince.





	Moondust and Starlight

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [cc_round4](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/cc_round4) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Junmyeon is well known for being polite and easy to talk with. But his mind goes fuzzy and his face super stoic and serious, completely unfriendly when in front of his crush; Kim Jongdae. 
> 
> **Want:**  
>  Make it a little cliche, misunderstandings, crack fluff and some angst.  
> Minseok and Kyungsoo trying to help junmyeon in their "special way"  
> BottomJunmyeon is smutt ^^

Kim Jongdae was blessed by the theater gods that he was offered a scholarship to pursue theater arts in his most desired university. 

He thought the positive feedback he was getting in his high school performances were just empty words―the praises he garnered were nothing but niceties and so was the title ‘theater genius’ given to him by his school mates and teachers.

This uncertainty brought him to pursue a different academic route instead. He sat in S Uni’s entrance examination and a few months later, was informed that the university’s Institute of Geology had accepted his application. Getting in through a recommendation was a good thing. And getting in because he had worked for it was better.

When he stepped into his university on the first day of classes, he was sought and dragged across the campus by the president of the theater organization for him to join them. He was once again reminded of his second favorite hobby―performing.

There might have been a certain degree of truth in the nice words he received during high school seeing how enthusiastic the org president was in recruiting him.

But the documents he was holding at that time were from his home college, the home of his first favorite hobby―discussing matters regarding plate tectonics―that he had to decline. “I’m sorry, but maybe next year?” was his line paired with a sheepish smile, his heart giving out a little seeing how the president’s face fell.

“I’ll just have to prove to my mom I’m adjusting well to life here by showing her my decent grades. I’ll come join you guys in the next season” was his deal.

He studied okay, passed his exams, got along well with the other students, made close friends with his dorm roommate and the year passed by in a blink.

 

To be the only upperclassman to join the semester’s batch of applicants, he thought it’d be difficult to deal with especially with the pressure. But he was now in the college cafeteria, and one step closer to the end of the application process and reaching his goal of becoming the theater org’s full-fledged member.

Jongdae just had to pass the final ritual by performing in a crowd. The trick was, he had to pick a random stranger and perform his assignment. He was informed that there was a trickier part to his challenge, and that the ‘stranger’ was randomly picked by the members―he had to sing to a stranger wearing a blue top.

His ticket to success presented itself as a male with a small pretty face and dark brown hair. The person was busy reading some papers to his left while his right hand was absently holding a spoon which was hovering just above his bowl.

Maybe it was the natural cafeteria lighting which gave the guy some immaculate appearance. Or the way that the person was not intimidating at all that Jongdae made his way towards the guy’s table. And he knew, from the bottom of his palpitating heart, that this was going to be perfect.

He cleared his throat to draw the person’s attention and when the other looked up, he knew by then that he was ninety-nine percent sure it was the perfect moment.

Jongdae’s hands soon held the guy’s on the table, giving it a squeeze as he smiled and made a hopeful blink that the person wouldn’t freak out. So far all he got was a confused, rounded glance and it was enough for melodies to spill from his throat out of his mouth. 

“ _Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?_ ” he crooned, at the same time his eyes were swallowing the details of the face he was serenading.

 _Holy mother of god he has beautiful eyes_. And Jongdae was so willing to drown into those dark irises.

“ _Just like me they long to be close to you._ ”

And he just took it to himself to lean closer, a few inches away from forgetting his lines and attacking the guy’s nose with eskimo kisses. But his gaze was following the other’s and oh his actual holy god the person was staring at his lips.

Jongdae stared, waited to confirm if it was okay but the guy’s gaze never left his god-given curly lips that he was overcome with happiness and leaned in closer, covering the small gap between them by connecting their lips together.

It was soft. Super soft. And the insides of his chest wouldn’t stop thrumming.

He wanted to let it last longer, when his heart beat wasn’t so fast, but their moment was broken with some applause coupled with hoots from the other students in the cafeteria.

Jongdae knew his performance was great. The hand of one of the senior theater members patting his upper arm was enough for him to accept that he did good. And he was about to thank the other student who helped him make it possible.

But the guy had cleared off everything from the table, notes in the bag and food on the tray, and was scrambling away from the crowd which had started to surround them without looking back.

That was when Jongdae realized that he had messed up.

 

“Hey! Please wait!” Jongdae called after the guy.

Except the other was a fast runner and already a couple of meters away from the entrance of their building.

But Jongdae isn't the type to give up easily and so, he ran his fastest and was able to grab the person’s arm. 

“Hey, let me explain. I'm sorry―”

Furrowed brows and teary eyes greeted Jongdae when the guy looked back. Big drops of tears soon stained the person’s cheeks and Jongdae was stunned.

Another round of apology was left hanging on his lips as the person shook his hand off and walked away sobbing.

* * *

  
“Nice song choice but why Kim Junmyeon of all people?!” Byun Baekhyun, a philosophy sophomore and Jongdae’s roommate, screeched while facing his computer.

Jongdae thought his sighing would go unnoticed when Baekhyun was busy playing his game.

Kim Junmyeon-sunbaenim. Even his name sounds so regal.

“It was easy. He was the first person I saw in the cafeteria wearing a blue shirt,” he half-lied, leaving out the part where he thought of a soft feeling for the senior when he first saw him.

“And the kiss was staged? I thought you're the prudent person between us two, JD!”

“I wasn't planning that at all! But he was staring at my lips and it felt nice to feel wanted like that!”

“So you kissed him? God you’re awful!” Loud mouse clicks from Baekhyun’s side of the room ensued.

“I understand that consent has been the issue here and I even ran after him to apologize. But why are you shouting and so mad at me?”

“I am worried for you! Have you ever been bullied before because I have and it was not a good memory. Oh fuck, I’m dying!”

“What does it have to do with Kim Junmyeon?” _Oh, saying the senior’s name was actually calming_ Jongdae thought, but Baekhyun was frowning hard now and was staring at him. “Kim Junmyeon seemed like a nice person! I doubt he’d try to get back by hurting me.” 

Baekhyun slid his chair away from his desk, stood up and headed towards his bed. Jongdae thought he’d flop on it but the guy just walked past and reached for the window to open it. With a deep inhale, his roommate soon was screaming his lungs out, enough for the resident assistant to check on them.

Once Baekhyun had screamed all he needed to, he returned to his desk chair and continued to stare at Jongdae with a frown.

“It is not Kim Junmyeon who is gonna be your problem. You know what the other students call him? The Little Prince. He is that precious to more than half of the student population here. And you’ve made him cry. Go figure out the rest.”

“Is he your crush, too?” Jongdae whinged and belatedly realized he had somehow admitted something to himself and to Baekhyun out loud.

There was an irritated twitch on Baekhyun’s forehead. “Get out of the room,” the guy soon pointed to the door, face harder than the granite flooring of their dorm lobby.

Jongdae soon found himself moping in the pantry. He was the only student there by then. When he chanced upon Do Kyungsoo, another guy in the theater club, he just shook his head after seeing Jongdae and left with his bowl of cereals.

It was comfortable for him to be alone most of the time but it got to a degree of awkward with some unwelcome premonition following his meeting with Do Kyungsoo and the ensuing silence.

* * *

  
The thing about curses—the fairytale kind—was that Jongdae had classified them to be an irrational belief (or fear, whichever worked for one) and therefore non-existent. This belief was true for him until he stepped into the liberal arts hall and people were glaring at him head-on or fleeing away from him like he had just announced he was HIV positive [this one was just an example]. This was the day after the kiss.

It was unnerving for him, being observed and ignored at the same time. Ignorance was bliss until he realized the price to pay for a Villager A like him to lay claim on The Prince’s lips—this thought wasn’t even a metaphor at all because by second period, he had received another paper calling him ‘degenerate’ and his pile was getting high.

Searching for Kim Junmyeon to apologize to was not easy. Jongdae’s theater seniors told him of possible places he could find the upperclassman but the person was nowhere to be found when he got there. It was crazy and he was just the unluckiest.

The day ended for Jongdae surviving the onslaught of distant jeers and silent treatment with the littlest energy, just enough for him to reach his dorm room, dump himself on the bed and groan out of frustration. Baekhyun was staring at him with pitiful eyes and Jongdae would normally whine and throw him a pillow but he was so exhausted. Just a weak ‘What do I do?’ was all he managed to say as he willed himself not to tear up.

For some reason, Baekhyun was heaven-sent and descended into his bed like an answered prayer. Jongdae was so done with people avoiding him the whole day and making him feel like he crept out of Dante’s Inferno. The calm Baekhyun brought by just occupying half of his bed was surprising, knowing that Byun Baekhyun was a menacing form of personified excitement on a good day.

“People assumed you played an ugly joke on Kim Junmyeon,” Baekhyun said, his gaze fixating on their room’s cream-colored ceiling.

“A huge misunderstanding,” Jongdae mumbled.

“Have you tried this thing called _apology_?”

“If you are talking about Socrates’ version then I’m sorry to disappoint.”

“Your attempt to snark is much more disappointing.” Baekhyun sighed right after and as much as Jongdae tried to not mind, it grated.

“I tried, okay? I said I’m sorry when I managed to catch up but I wasn’t able to explain because he was angry and suddenly I felt awful. I even went to the liberal arts hall today so I could talk to him but I didn’t find him! I know I’ve done wrong and I just wanted to make this right but I don’t understand why I can’t get a chance to. I don’t understand why Kim Junmyeon feels like this unreachable person!”

“Coming from an ordinary student from the same college as him, it’s true. Kim Junmyeon is unreachable,” shrugged Baekhyun while Jongdae took his time to calm down from his outburst.

When Baekhyun who was usually optimistic wasn’t being helpful, Jongdae became not so sure even for himself anymore. And times like these meant a good round of crying out of frustration which he would have done if not for the other person in the room to witness him.

Though his rational mind was begging him not to embarrass himself, he still managed to ask ‘Why?’

To hell if his voice cracked. To hell if he sounded ignorant. Anything could be a distraction when he was a step short from crying his eyes out.

“What do you know about Kim Junmyeon, Jongdae?” asked the roommate. Baekhyun was being emotionally distant and so, he felt the same. It did work to calm him down, when the other who was usually bursting with feelings was sounding logical (just to a degree).

It was hard for Jongdae to verbally admit he knew nothing, so he shrugged as his nose stung from trying to fight down his tears. Baekhyun clicked his tongue and pulled the blanket to wipe Jongdae’s nose. “You poor citizen of The Hard Science Kingdom. It’s such a disgrace for you to be ignorant when the theater club belongs to the College of Liberal Arts.”

“How lower can you actually make me feel, Byun Baekhyun?” he asked, sniffing a tear away as he pushed himself to sit up just so he could look down on his roommate.

It didn’t feel okay at all when he was able to catch Baekhyun’s micro smirk which could mean a myriad of things, including the possibility that the other understood Jongdae’s question as a challenge. Baekhyun, though, as unpredictable as a seismic wave, breathed in deep and in a second, was talking about Kim Junmyeon like a biographer.

“Kim Junmyeon is a third year Anthro major and the epitome of a good student in the whole of the university.” Baekhyun had started looking at his nails as if reciting a memorized speech. “He doesn't need to apply for scholarship grants because the scholarship body prostrate themselves to him. He's very nice, amiable and super smart, not to mention good-looking.” He threw Jongdae a measuring look. “You’ve seen him, right? He looks like a kid. So aside from the crazy admirers who want to shatter his good-boy image and shag him, almost all the professors are protective of him like he's their own son. Professor Choi included.”

Jongdae’s eyes rounded. Not because he was thinking Baekhyun might be one of those admirers who wanted to one-knew-what Kim Junmyeon but because he remembered having a Choi professor in the current semester and the guy was a challenge to please.

“Not _The Choi_ that I know of, right?” he asked.

“Good luck to your Math series,” Baekhyun said in a cheerless voice.

“Choi teaches higher Math and students from—”

Baekhyun’s stare turned hard as his finger pressed harder on Jongdae’s lips to shush him. “You are excused from further embarrassment. Don’t diss my kind from the College of Liberal Arts just because you're a snobbish little baby taking math courses. As I’ve said, Kim Junmyeon is a good student. A good student takes basic math classes.”

Obviously, Baekhyun was a philo major who slept on his majors specifically Logic. Before Jongdae could protest that Baekhyun did not take even the basic Maths, the other had already blurted out he was ‘not a good student, Kim Junmyeon was of the better kind by taking higher Maths and let us not discuss about syllogism right now.’

“Oh, and have I mentioned Kim Junmyeon is deaf?” added Baekhyun, the guy who threw logic out of the window. And still the guy Jongdae wanted to throw out of the window, too.

If spontaneous petrification could happen, Jongdae wished that was that moment, right after his sense of justice had been calmed and when looking at Baekhyun wasn’t anger-inducing at all. He was so ashamed for living under the rock for so long.

And Byun Baekhyun might as well admit he was Kim Junmyeon’s greatest fanboy because Jongdae by then had an idea why his roommate was overzealous with his online sign language lessons when the semester started.

He could only grab on his roommate and friend’s arm even though he so wanted to pester the other about his crush and ask, “Please be my interpreter?” because that was the only goal-oriented thing to do.

“No!” was the other’s hasty answer. “I can’t,” Baekhyun added, shook his head and nodded as if agreeing to his refusal to help Jongdae.

If anything, Jongdae saw it as Baekhyun, his friend, being irrational with his love for Kim Junmyeon. He was about to assure the other that he could step aside if Baekhyun wanted just as long as he could apologize to the wronged senior properly but Baekhyun beat him to it by suggesting that Jongdae should write a heartfelt message instead.

“Do you think that’d work?” he asked.

“You should just be thankful people from my college can readily appreciate good prose or poetry. Brevity and sincerity are your best buds.”

The Little Prince Curse was real. Jongdae thought he deserved it and he had to break it soon. But first, he needed to learn how to write a letter.

* * *

  
‘ _Dear Kim Junmyeon-sunbaenim,_

_I was the guy who stole a kiss from you in the cafeteria last time. Performing to students and getting good feedback regarding the performance are parts of my club’s initiation rites. Picking you wasn’t deliberate and I got carried away . I was wrong and I know that what I did is rude. It was never my intention to poke fun of you._

_I’m sorry._

_Sincerely,_  
_Kim Jongdae_  
_7D9-00216-BS Geol_ ’

 

Jongdae’s back was already complaining. His mind was repeatedly going through the words he wrote two nights before on a stationery as the said letter was read by the person he had been seeking for the whole week.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated.

He saw a hand from his periphery and it patted his upper arm, a signal he took to straighten up and look at Kim Junmyeon.

It had been more than a week counting the weekends since he had last seen the senior this close. But the careful and curious countenance Kim Junmyeon had when Jongdae first saw him in the cafeteria was gone and instead replaced with a critical gaze and pursed lips.

A part of him wished it was because of something else, noting that Kim Junmyeon’s frown had already been there while signing to another guy, the person Jongdae knew as Zhang from biology and another upperclassman. There had been a rapid exchange of signs between the two and soon, two pairs of eyes were looking at Jongdae when he approached them.

Jongdae didn’t know what to do past the handing of the note, bowing and hoping the senior would forgive him. He wanted to sign to explain, but Baekhyun only taught him two basic sign expressions―’I’m sorry’ and ‘Can I have a moment?’. The rest, he had to say out loud or write in a paper.

“I’ve been hoping you can forgive me. It has been tough these past few days,” Jongdae said, filling up the silence. Other students were looking at them now, too. “People here love you a lot, you know,” he added with a smile, hoping it would at least ease the tension. And only half-admitting that the threats and occasional small accidents were getting to him.

Kim Junmyeon’s eyes were focused on Jongdae’s lips and Jongdae learned by then what it meant. Pale hands lifted a little from the guy’s sides―Jongdae was anticipating for the better―but it fell back with Junmyeon’s face turning harder.

A pat on Junmyeon’s upper arm had the guy turning and Jongdae looking at their company. Zhang signed, which Jongdae sadly couldn’t understand and Kim Junmyeon replied with signs of his own.

He realized the two were talking about him when Zhang gestured towards Jongdae and Junmyeon turned back to face him. There was soon a rapid firing of signs which came Jongdae’s way and made him more confused.

“He s-s-says it’s okay,” said a soft voice. If Jongdae was slow it would be difficult for him to realize that the other senior in their company had spoken. “S-sorry for misunderstanding. I left my hearing aid that day. And thank you for clarifying,” Zhang said, relaying Kim Junmyeon’s message.

“Am I forgiven?” Jongdae asked, all the more hopeful.

The senior’s face was still tense but the guy nodded, making Jongdae’s lips break into a small smile because finally, it seemed like The Little Prince Curse has been lifted.

Kim Junmyeon gave him another nod and turned to leave with Zhang following him. Jongdae bowed back, although it went unnoticed. Still, his mind was finally at ease.

“Kim Junmyeon-sunbaenim! Thank you! And to Zhang-sunbaenim, too!” he called after the two retreating backs. Zhang turned to him and nodded while Kim Junmyeon walked on.

Curse broken as of four pm that day.

* * *

  
Without the glares of the people after the news following the pardon bestowed upon him by the Little Prince, Jongdae’s peaceful life resumed. He’d be spending two-third of his time in the campus making models in the lab and the remaining third in the liberal arts building for theater org duties.

A lot of times, he’d chance upon Kim Junmyeon and he’d use the opportunity to bow in acknowledgement if the other would notice him around. Most of the time the senior didn’t, but it was fine, for Jongdae preferred observing Kim Junmyeon in the distance instead.

“I can’t be of any help,” Do Kyungsoo’s cold, low voice refused when Jongdae had approached him about Kim Junmyeon one day during a rehearsal.

The sophomore was staying in the room across the senior on the third floor, Jongdae knew, and might knew a few things about Kim Junmyeon. He just wanted to ask how the senior was doing, seeing that the guy was wearing a brace on his wrist when he saw him earlier.

When Do Kyungsoo looked like he was about to rip Jongdae’s throat to shreds, he thought it best to drop the inquiry and mind the rehearsal instead. But Jongdae’s thoughts would still drift back to the senior when he wasn’t being careful.

* * *

  
“Jongdae, I’m gay,” Baekhyun announced one night, his computer turned off and the only light on was the desk lamp on the guy’s desk while Jongdae was busy taking off his rubber shoes.

“I don’t mind you being anything that is you, Baekhyun,” Jongdae said after he brought his bag to hang on the hook beside his desk.

He then sat on his chair and turned to face Baekhyun who was just staring at him.

“That’s all?” asked the other in a small, disbelieving voice.

“Yep. Unless you want to tell me why this seemed like a sad announcement,” Jongdae said.

He had always thought of Baekhyun as someone who just loved regardless of gender, and Jongdae thought he had made it clear enough that it was okay. Maybe it was wrong to assume that way when Baekhyun was conflicted like this.

“It was hard to convince myself to tell you,” Baekhyun admitted. “You seemed okay with my jokes implying I might be liking guys but that doesn’t mean you’d accept me actually liking one. God! I was scared shit I’ve already inquired about changing rooms from the dorm committee!”

“I’m not gonna move out!” Jongdae whined

“I was going to if your reaction was different. Fuck I’m so glad you’re whining now.” Baekhyun subtly wiped at his nose and bound to the other side of there room. The guy opened their small white chiller and pulled out a tall can of Pringles.

“What are your chips doing in our fridge?”

Baekhyun had his impish smile on when he returned, Jongdae’s left hand was soon occupied when the other opened his Pringles and slid two chilled cans of beer out.

“Baek, we can’t!”

“Celebratory toast. Come on, I still have four more in our chest and we’ll just have one each tonight.” Baekhyun was sniffing as he popped their cans open.

“How did you even manage?”

“I’m a philosopher in training. I use my mind a lot,” quipped the other that got Jongdae chuckling. “I was reserving these to drown myself with just in case our friendship suddenly ended because of my coming out. My parents are still in the dark about this by the way.”

He wanted to joke as well, but instead thanked Baekhyun for telling him and raised his can for a toast. With a clink and a grin, they both chugged down their beer and went their merry way after―Baekhyun snoring soundly on his own bed while Jongdae was hunching on his desk, poring over the notes he had taken during the day.

He could barely read the figures regarding the mineral deposits of hydrothermal fluids when his eyes wandered towards a word, kuroko, and he remembered his professor showing them a sample.

Jongdae remembered how black it was, and instead of relating it to hydrogen sulfides, he thought of how it was as dark as Kim Junmyeon’s hair and his pair of brows, too. And his eyelashes. And maybe his armpit hair, too.

He was chuckling until he caught himself thinking of Kim Junmyeon and no longer about what he was studying.

Jongdae was in trouble.

* * *

  
Another week uneventfully passed and only less than a month to go before the classes would end. Baekhyun’s side of their room was littered with books and papers, with its owner barely opening the game in his computer and instead donning his glasses and carrying his thick books with him wherever he went.

As much as Jongdae wanted to applaud Baekhyun’s dedication, he chose not to because the other had managed to drop a reading on the wet shower floor in their communal bathroom and spilled on another with kimchi soup during dinner.

Everybody in the dorm was busy, including the seniors. It gave Jongdae more chance to see Kim Junmyeon. Most of the time, the guy was surrounded by his friends―Zhang Yixing who was also Kim Junmyeon’s roommate, Do Kyungsoo, and another senior named Kim Minseok (a senior in microbiology) who was Do’s roommate―and it was nice to see the senior being animated and smiley around his peers.

No matter how busy everyone in the campus seemed, everything was going well or that was what Jongdae would like to think until Baekhyun started to sneak out and would sometimes throw Jongdae a measuring glance. Jongdae tried asking but his roommate brushed it off as nothing or being lost in thought with his own readings.

Jongdae took Baekhyun’s words as they were, but ceased in believing so when he chanced upon Baekhyun while he was in the Liberal Arts building one afternoon. The other just waved and dashed away upon seeing him.

He was a very curious person and seeing the reaction piqued his interest so he ran after his roommate.

“Why are you following me?!” Baekhyun shouted, his voice echoing in the empty hallway.

“Why are you running away from me?” Jongdae returned, which had Baekhyun slowing down.

“Fuck, you’re right. And my shoulder hurts,” the other said as Jongdae caught up.

“Your books are heavy. Why are you avoiding me these past few days, Baekhyun?”

“I’m not avoiding you, Jongdae,” the other answered and handed him two of his books, which Jongdae accepted and held for him. “Do you mind bringing those back with you to the dorms?”

Baekhyun was clearly avoiding him and Jongdae could not do anything.

“Can you come back earlier tonight so we can talk? I want to know if I did something wrong,” Jongdae asked, waiting for Baekhyun’s answer. The other nodded and taking that as a confirmation, he patted his roommate’s arm and walked away.

Jongdae had not walked far when he heard Baekhyun curse and when he turned, his roommate was already dragging him by the arm to god knew where.

 

It was beyond Jongdae’s expectation when the god-knew-where he was thinking while being dragged was a small classroom on the second floor of the left wing of the building.

A group of students was occupying one of the long tables at the back and Jongdae’s throat suddenly felt narrow upon seeing the people were Kim Junmyeon and his friends.

“Hey guys,” Baekhyun greeted and the group’s attention fell on them as they approached the table. “I hope it’s fine if I brought my roommate with me?”

Jongdae beamed and it almost faltered had not Zhang spoken up and greeted him. He bowed and Baekhyun introduced him to Kim Minseok, while Do Kyungsoo told Baekhyun that he already knew Jongdae through their theater org.

“What do you guys do?” Jongdae asked once he and Baekhyun were seated.

“It’s either we talk a little or study a lot,” Do Kyungsoo answered, while the rest nodded except for Kim Junmyeon who was seated at the far end of the table and was looking down on his lap, reading the notebook Kim Minseok passed him earlier.

“How did Baekhyun end up with you?” Jongdae threw his roommate a glance who retaliated with a frown.

“B-Baekhyun helps me and Minseok-hyung with ethics,” Zhang answered and Kim Minseok nodded.

“Wow,” he said, looking at Baekhyun as the guy put his tongue out like a kid. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Today is Friday and one of us shares about something useful. Yixing-hyung talked about the science video he watched. It’s about the solar system and new findings so we talked about our favorite planets last time,” supplied Kyungsoo.

“That’s interesting. So who is going to share today?” he asked and hoped it would be Kim Junmyeon so he could witness the senior’s enthusiasm for once up close.

All he got were a couple of confused looks from the seniors, even Kim Junmyeon looked up from his writing, and Do Kyungsoo threw Baekhyun a questioning glance.

“It’s me!” Baekhyun answered. “Jongdae here doesn’t know he’d be experimented on. Well anyway I’ve come prepared for my reporting and let’s get the fun started!”

“What are you going to s-share about B-Baekhyun?” Yixing asked.

“It’s a surprise, Xing-hyung,” Baekhyun answered with a wink and put his paper bag on the table.

The guy started pulling the items out―seven bananas (but Baekhyun put the two, supposedly three, bananas aside because “breakfast”) and a couple of small boxes.

Jongdae started to nervously sweat. Hopefully his roommate had other plans for the things he put out on the table.

“We are going to learn how to put condoms on!” Baekhyun announced, trying to not laugh out loud as he would usually do in embarrassing situations. He then explained how he learned and supposed it would be an okay topic to share since not everyone would like to admit that they do know how to put one on as he handed out a banana to each of them. “Condoms come in a variety of flavors and thickness, too. I’ve bought different ones so you can choose which one to open.”

“I thought condoms were candies when I was a kid. I remember my dad had b-boxes of these and it said chocolate.” Zhang Yixing absently opened a box with strawberry print and pulled out a packet.

“Did you try opening one, Xing-hyung?” Baekhyun asked.

“No. My mom told me never to touch dad’s boxes of chocolates so I didn’t,” the guy admitted.

Kim Minseok snorted which caused a chain reaction in the table that got Baekhyun and Do Kyungsoo laughing, Zhang Yixing soon having his triumphant half-smirk and even Kim Junmyeon smiling. Although the guy soon went back to his lap reading when he noticed Jongdae staring.

Everyone was opening their pack as per Baekhyun’s instruction when Do Kyungsoo spoke up. Jongdae’s hand was trembling, unlike Do’s which were handling his packet well. He wouldn’t want to admit it, but this would be the first time he’d be opening one. And that he was a twenty-year old virgin―never been kissed (aside from the one he shared with Kim Junmyeon) and never been touched (by other’s hands; his left hand having exclusive rights to his junior).

“Baekhyun, do you know why these have flavors? Because I don’t understand its purpose,” Do Kyungsoo asked as he peeked inside his opened packet of mint flavored condom.

“Holes down there can’t taste it. Maybe it’s b-because of its smell?” Zhang Yixing said as he took a careful sniff from his strawberry-flavored packet. Jongdae would like to agree, because out of the people in the room, Zhang Yixing would be the most familiar with anatomy since he was a bio major.

Kim Junmyeon, who was seated between Zhang Yixing and Kim Minseok, tapped his roommate and signed. All of their attention was on the guy, though Jongdae couldn’t understand what the senior was signing. It seemed like he was the only one who didn’t understand sign language since the others were nodding their heads.

“What Junmyeon-hyung said is true. Flavored condoms are not for down there. It’s usually for blowjobs,” Baekhyun confirmed.

There was a loud gasp and all eyes turned to Zhang Yixing who only managed to mouth ‘mom’ in shock. Jongdae pitied the guy for having to discover something about his parents at this age.

A while later, Kim Minseok was scribbling on his notebook and showing it to them.

‘I read that using flavored condoms can cause bacterial or yeast infections for vaginal sex.’

And most of the faces in the table grimaced. The things Jongdae learned from the discussion.

Too bad he didn’t have much idea about condoms and sex so all he could do was listen and observe. He had a question after reading what Minseok shared, but he thought it best to ask Baekhyun in the confines of their room instead.

“What about anal sex? Would it be bad to use it?” Do Kyungsoo asked and soon added, “Someone seemed like he wanted to ask and I was thinking the same.”

Baekhyun gave out a grin and that was the only thing Jongdae watched when the question was thrown because looking at Do Kyungsoo then might bring his death.

“That I haven’t asked about. Let's just stick to the rule that if it’s flavored and not for vaginal intercourse, then it is also not for anal intercourse,” answered Baekhyun. “Well, we can peel our bananas now and try putting the condom on it. Please be careful not to tear the latex. Putting on a torn condom is pointless in actual sex.”

Jongdae had some trouble with his banana and protection because it kept on slipping. So did Kim Minseok. Baekhyun then informed them about lubricated and unlubricated kinds, with him and the senior having gotten the lubricated ones.

“Lubricated condoms are not advised for oral sex. Why? Because aside from its awful taste, lubricated condoms contain spermicides which can numb the tongue,” said Baekhyun. Both Do Kyungsoo and Kim Minseok made a disgusted face while Zhang Yixing’s lips were rounded while nodding to his half-covered banana. Kim Junmyeon was in the corner, putting the yellow-colored condom on his banana with the least emotion possible for an alabaster statue.

It took a few tries for Jongdae to get his attention away from the others and try to successfully get his banana into the latex when Baekhyun suggested for each of them to get a taste of their covered banana.

“Knowing makes you a better partner for your partner,” Baekhyun added but it was met with indignation. Do Kyungsoo was the first one to bring the banana closer to his face and they looked at him in anticipation.

“It smells sweet,” the guy said with a straight face and Jongdae saw the changing horror on Kim Minseok’s face when Do Kyungsoo brought the green latex-covered banana closer to his face. The thing hovered just a breath away from Do’s lips. “But I won’t get a taste of it in front of you guys,” he said in finality and put the banana down in front of him.

Jongdae sighed in relief but it was soon a different story when Zhang Yixing turned away on his stool. The way Kim Junmyeon’s face blanched while looking at his seatmate was interesting, and Baekhyun’s bark-like laugh when Zhang Yixing started giggling only made them more curious.

While everyone’s attention was away from him, he took the chance to taste the banana he was holding just so he could have a logical reason to never taste it again. His tongue peeked from his lips without hesitation and made contact with the slippery item.

It was just too bad Kim Minseok caught him in the act and the guy was patting Do Kyungsoo next to him faster than the speed of sound. Boy it made his insides coil with double regret. It was a bad decision, tasting the thing, but it did make the others laugh when he wasn’t able to stop himself from gagging.

“I can’t even suggest you should try to taste it!” he exclaimed as he tried to recover. Do Kyungsoo had given him a small cup of water which he was thankful for while Baekhyun was still clutching his side from laughing and shouting ‘That’s why I didn’t suggest it!’

“I’ll s-stick with strawberry for now," Zhang Yixing said which made the group burst into another round of laughter.

Jongdae saw a wider smile from Kim Junmyeon but it soon vanished when their gazes met. It seemed like the senior had an off switch when it came to him and it worried Jongdae.

“So who’s gonna share something next week?” Do Kyungsoo asked after recovering from his own laughter.

Kim Minseok wrote something in his pad and showed it to them. ‘Jongdae should.’

“Look, Baekhyun has set the bar high and I don’t think I can beat that,” he said, while Zhang Yixing advised for him to share something he takes interest in. Jongdae could talk about volcanoes. Or rocks. He could go with that topic. But when his gaze landed once again on Kim Junmyeon, the senior looked away like he was against it.

“As much as I want to next Friday, I can’t. Lab duties,” Jongdae said, smiling through the decision of staying away if him being around would only make another person uncomfortable.

Baekhyun was easy to sense it, especially when he knew about his daily schedule. Jongdae would be home by five thirty on Fridays unless there had been a scheduled theater practice usually announced early in the month. There was none for the next week.

He threw his roommate a warning glance to not say anything and quickly added, “It’s cool to have met the seniors and Do Kyungsoo, though. I had fun,” he said.

“I’m fine with just Kyungsoo,” the wide-eyed guy said. “I can’t imagine what you call them.” He gestured towards the seniors in the table.

“Zhang Yixing-sunbaenim, Kim Minseok-sunbaenim and Kim Junmyeon-sunbaenim,” he coolly answered. But he hoped he’d not have a chance to call everyone by their names in one sentence.

‘How about Baekhyun?’ wrote Kim Minseok on his pad.

“Baekhyun.”

“I don’t mind being called b-by just my name, too.” Zhang Yixing said.

“Can I call you Yixing-hyung instead? I find it hard not to address older people properly,” he asked and Yixing nodded.

‘Ditto’ was Minseok’s message.

When Jongdae called him by ‘Minseok-hyung’, the senior smiled and it felt surreal. The reaction was personally for something Jongdae did and most of what he had seen from Minseok the whole afternoon was the serious line of his mouth.

The air turned awkward when Jongdae turned to Kim Junmyeon because he didn’t know what to say to the older. When the senior made a move to sign, Jongdae cut in, “I hope it’s okay to call you Junmyeon-hyung, too.”

Kim Junmyeon’s supposed stoicism fell with the way his eyes rounded a little and his lips parted a bit to counter.

Jongdae knew by then that that was the first and the last time he’d address the senior in the said manner. He managed to remain smiling albeit feeling bad for the conflicted expression on Kim Junmyeon’s face while waiting for an answer.

A slow ‘it’s okay’ was signed by the senior, something Jongdae was able to read, and Baekhyun said it outloud for him, too. But he still chose the ‘no’ for an answer. The truth was always preferable for Jongdae.

* * *

  
The next Friday came and by five thirty, Jongdae was already in the dorm and reading his notes on his bed. He computed for the values needed for one of the models he was working on just to take his mind off of things.

Thirty minutes later the guilt for lying and not going with Baekhyun to see the rest was gnawing on him. The few instances he chanced upon Kyungsoo or Minseok or Yixing in the hallways or around the campus, they’d always remind him to join them in their hangout. And he always replied with ‘I’ll go with Baekhyun if I’m free.’

His conscience calmed down when he decided to work on completing the tables for the model he was computing for earlier which wasn’t due until the end of the semester. The activity made his lie the truth when he was doing lab work even if it was done in their dorm room.

At around quarter to seven, he heard a click on the door knob and soon a couple of pounding on the door. He opened the latched door to a frowning Baekhyun.

“You’re back early—” he greeted and noticed the person behind Baekhyun. “Hi, Yixing-hyung.”

The senior nodded as Baekhyun entered, throwing his bag on his bed and gathering his books into a pile on his desk. When he turned and took a look at the pile of papers on Jongdae’s bed, he brought a hand to his waist and threw Jongdae a look of disbelief.

“You actually did your lab report,” stated his roommate.

“Why? It’s called self-fulfilling prophecy,” he whined as he fixed the eyeglasses he was wearing on the bridge of his nose. “What brings you both here this early?”

“We were supposed to study,” his philo major roommate trailed off as Baekhyun threw Yixing a glance. 

“Well, I’ll be out now,” Jongdae hastily announced as he grabbed all of his study materials from his bed, piled the papers and pushed them into his backpack. “I’ll be back by nine!”

“Kyungsoo and the rest are in the mess hall!”

He shouted an acknowledgement as he closed the door behind him to leave the two _to study_. Better to avoid the mess hall then, where he originally planned to finish his pending tables, and head out to a cafe or somewhere peaceful. It would be cold outside but he’d—damn, he forgot his cardigan in their room! And his t-shirt would not be enough to shield him from the late autumn wind.

Standing in the lobby for a while, Jongdae contemplated whether he’d come barging back when Baekhyun and Yixing were busy _studying_ or just stay in the mess hall instead and brave through an awkward session with Kim Junmyeon. Although Kyungsoo and Minseok would be around to talk to him, he’d rather spare the other senior from his tormenting existence. He sniffed hard and brought his backpack closer as he stepped outside their dorm.

 

Later that night, when he came back to his room smelling of milk tea, he was surprised to find Yixing still there, sitting on Baekhyun’s chair, hunched on the desk and actually studying while his roommate was on the bed snoring and drooling like a beached starfish. 

“Good grief,” he said as he put his bag on the side of his desk while Yixing stood up and neatly piled his readings. “You didn’t have to wait for me, Yixing-hyung. How long has he been asleep?” He gestured to his roommate.

The senior looked at Baekhyun and there was an amused smile on his lips. “Nearly two hours now?”

“Weren’t you two supposed to _study_?”

“We were about to and when he opened his b-book he said he suddenly felt sleepy so I suggested for him to take a nap.”

“Next time, don’t,” he suggested as he excused himself and went to his closet. 

“It’s cute, though,” mumbled the senior.

Jongdae was rummaging for his sweater when he heard the senior say those. He looked back to Yixing, trying to tame down the amusement in his system by keeping himself from grinning. “Hyung, don’t spoil him. It’ll get the both of you into trouble.”

“I’ll try.” Yixing nodded as he picked up his things. “Jongdae? Minseok-hyung is asking if you have free time?”

Maybe it was the reason why the older waited for him to return. “Right now?” he asked, turning around as he slipped into sweater.

“No. After classes?”

Good thing his head was stuck before the collar a bit because it gave him time to think of another excuse if this was about the group session again.

“Minseok-hyung needs help with math,” the senior said.

“I see,” he absently replied, relieved that it wasn’t so much about hanging out with their group after all. “I’ll be free tomorrow at four. Can I get his mail, hyung? So I can text him where we can meet.”

Yixing fished for his phone in his jeans pocket and opened the device. “I can s-send a copy to you. What’s your mail, Jongdae?”

When Jongdae’s phone buzzed on his desk and the contact message flashed on the notification, Yixing bade him and his (still sleeping) roommate goodnight and left.

* * *

  
Jongdae agreed to meet with Minseok at the university library. He was excited, knowing that it would be the first time he’d be left alone with the senior. Getting to know people better had always made him happy.

It wasn’t difficult to find the senior seated in one of the long tables, especially because Minseok texted him the number of the nearest shelf and also the color of the shirt the senior was wearing.

The dark tuft of Minseok’s hair wasn’t hard to miss, either. And so was the equally dark hair seated next to him.

As Jongdae was approaching the table, he by then knew he had unknowingly jumped into trouble.

Minseok was smiling when he greeted them and the senior immediately rose from his seat, handing Jongdae a note:

‘I needed help explaining things to Junmyeon and I’m glad you could help me out.’

Jongdae stared at Minseok in disbelief and casted a glance towards Kim Junmyeon who was actually looking at them. But still with his stony expression.

Another note was on his hand and Minseok grabbed his bag from the table.

‘I still have class at this time so I’ll be leaving you two. Thanks Jongdae :-)’ he hastily read, barely noticing the pat his senior gave him.

“Minseok-hyung―” Jongdae tried the call out but the older was already five tables away and waved them bye for the last time before exiting the hall.

He breathed in deep and turned to face the embodiment of what he could consider his beautiful nightmare.

“Hi, Kim Junmyeon-sunbaenim,” he greeted. The senior replied with a nod, his small, pale face granitic in nature.

“Which part do you need help on?” Jongdae asked as he brought out a notebook and a pen from his bag. And his mechanical pencil and eraser just in case. And some scratch papers. God, he was nervous.

Kim Junmyeon opened his book, turned to a page halfway and showed it to Jongdae.

Math 45: the third in the Math series of science majors. Courses not under the College of Science only required the first two maths in their curriculum. There was a part in him that wanted to ask the senior why he was taking such, but he doubted himself and the probability of Kim Junmyeon wanting to talk with him about anything aside from the subject so he kept his mouth shut.

The senior’s hesitant hand gesture―the raise-his-hand-to-sign-but-it’s-a-waste-of-time-maybe-because-it’s-Jongdae―was back, coupled by a pair of slightly furrowed brows. It only pushed Jongdae further into his internalized distress, in which keeping his cool and his smiling face intact were already taking him a lot of effort.

Kim Junmyeon wrote on his notebook and let Jongdae read it.

‘The course is a prerequisite for an elective I’m planning to take. I can’t fail this. ‘^’ ’

Jongdae had to think about what the apostrophe-circum accent-apostrophe in the message meant but Kim Junmyeon had talked to him and that was more important. It made smiling easier for him even if the senior still looked angry.

“Don’t worry, sunbae,” Jongdae said and noticed the sudden twitch on Kim Junmyeon’s eyebrows most probably because Jongdae was trying to talk to him. He quickly added, “I’ll help you. Let’s try the first problem.”

Jongdae spent the next hour and half trying to breathe calmly through his nose every time Kim Junmyeon would frown deeper. He hoped a big part of it was due to the numbers and letters on the paper and not just solely because of him.

He was putting his things back to his bag, slowing things down just so he’d barely mind his senior leaving. Jongdae almost jumped out of his skin when he got a pat from Kim Junmyeon.

‘Thank you,’ signed the senior and gestured for Jongdae to wait as he fished for something in his bag and soon pulled out his wallet.

Just when Jongdae was about to decline because he didn’t agree to receive any payment when he and Minseok had talked the night before, Kim Junmyeon was handing him a card. Jongdae was confused and at the same time curious, so he accepted it.

In his hands was a Starbucks card while Kim Junmyeon was hastily scratching a pen on his notebook then almost squashed Jongdae’s nose flat with how close the page was when he showed it.

“For coffee as thank you,” Jongdae read out loud as Kim Junmyeon nodded.

The senior soon returned his notebook to his bag, nodded towards Jongdae and left. Jongdae would have wanted to say Kim Junmyeon ‘stormed’ out with how intense the older strode while leaving.

A part of him just focused on the relief that the awkward hour and half was finally over and he could then go back to the dorm and study.

 

The last Tuesday before the finals week had him going back to the library. His professor had kicked him out of the lab and instructed him to ‘get a life’ after Jongdae submitted his model a sem early; theater activities were to be continued in the next semester to give time for the student members to study, thus leaving him with a lot of energy to spend on reviewing.

Much to his surprise, Kim Junmyeon showed up for their math review, as well, just when Jongdae thought that the day before was the last, closest encounter he would have with the senior.

By the end of their study session, the senior asked in a note if Jongdae had already gotten himself coffee because Minseok was asking for his Starbucks card back.

Jongdae admitted he had not, earning a tenser expression from Kim Junmyeon, as he handed back the green, semi-transparent card.

“I rarely drink coffee,” he revealed with the want to ease the expression on the older’s face but it didn’t, and the conversation ended with Kim Junmyeon nodding and leaving ahead again.

That night, Baekhyun was close to strangling him when he mentioned about tutoring Kim Junmyeon. The moment he got into the coffee card incident, his roommate was actually shaking his soul out of his body because Jongdae ‘could have done something!’

“He dislikes me!” Jongdae whined.

“Come on man, he could easily coax Choi who is an actual math professor to teach him if he dislikes you! Why. are. you. so. dense?! Come on! You could have asked him out! Minseok-hyung's card is the black card of Starbucks! You both could buy buckets of mocha frappe with it!” Baekhyun was close to detaching his soul from his body as every word the guy said was emphasised by a shake.

“Baekhyun, you’re killing me!”

“You’re convincing me that you don’t mind because you’re not using your mind in the first place!”

His roommate soon got a nosebleed because Jongdae accidentally headbutted Baekhyun when he tried to free himself from him.

 

Wednesday was a charm when Kim Junmyeon returned to their review session with tall drinks [hot chamomile tea] for each of them. Jongdae also noticed the senior’s hesitating hands were no longer used, although Kim Junmyeon would pause for a second or two staring at him with a blank look before writing something and passing it to Jongdae.

Baekhyun’s words the night before also made it easier for Jongdae to accept the possibility that the senior didn’t hate him. He would like to stress that it was just a possibility―the probability of Kim Junmyeon actually loathing him and their afternoon meetings being an elaborate plan to exact revenge was still at 50%.

It ended without any stomach ache so it was safe to conclude the senior didn’t hate him until that day.

 

Thursday was lab day and he wasn’t able to drop by the library. When he came back to study on Friday, Kim Junmyeon was already sitting in their usual table.

“Don’t you have the Friday group discussion with the others?” he asked upon reaching the seat across the guy. Kim Junmyeon had his minute frown on, shook his head and wrote ‘Everyone’s studying on their own.’

“When is sunbaenim’s math exam?”

Kim Junmyeon wrote ‘Monday’ and went back to answering a problem exercise. Usually, the older would call Jongdae’s attention once he had finished an item so Jongdae could check it. But Kim Junmyeon went on answering the other items for the next hour while Jongdae took the silence as a chance to study his own notes.

He was computing P-wave velocity from a samplex when he felt a pat on his arm. “Are you done answering?” he asked and the senior handed him his book and notebook.

When seven out of his eight answers matched with the senior’s, he double checked and asked Kim Junmyeon to try answering one item again. This time, he observed and pointed out which part the older got confused. There was relief in the senior’s eyes when he had finally gotten it right.

“That’s seven point five out of eight,” he announced while writing the score on the paper. “All the best in your exam, Kim Junmyeon-sunbaenim,” Jongdae said as he returned the notebook to the senior. His smiling face fell when he looked up and Kim Junmyeon was frowning.

The senior wrote a fast ‘Why do you always call me that?’ and Jongdae was confused. He hadn’t called his senior any names, had he? When Kim Junmyeon’s angry scribbling finished, another message was shown to him. ‘You always call me by my full name. It’s annoying.’

“I’m sorry,” Jongdae immediately apologized. He didn’t know what else to say. “I didn’t want to be rude.”

‘You call Minseok and Yixing hyung while I still get the full honorific. What makes me different?’

“I sensed you didn’t like to be called that way when I tried to, last time,” Jongdae admitted.

Kim Junmyeon’s eyes rounded and his hesitant hands made an encore before the weekend. The senior was soon angrily writing something on his paper.

‘NO! ~~I LIKED IT!!~~ I SAID IT’S OKAY!!’

Jongdae was shaken out of his wits. The senior was angry because of the honorific he kept on using, not because he was annoyed by his mere existence!

“Junmyeon-hyung,” he carefully called. Jongdae liked how the name sounded when he said it. Maybe the older thought the same, too, with the way Junmyeon’s shoulders relaxed and his breathing evened. Jongdae then continued, “you’re not mad at me, are you?”

The greatest surprise for Jongdae would be the senior giving him a smile after shaking his head. It was the most refreshing, though embarrassed, expression he had seen from Junmyeon and it was like a miracle.

During the finals, the winter chased all of the people’s shadows away. Jongdae was yet to see the senior again but Junmyeon’s smile remained in his mind.

* * *

  
Finals week bled into the break and four weeks of winter vacation passed in a blur. Jongdae spent the first two with Baekhyun, who also dragged Yixing to the mountains, in his grandmother’s house. The remaining one and half week was spent with his family and good home-cooked meals while three days were dedicated to going back early in the dorm with his mother to do a major clean-up.

Although Jongdae especially asked his mom to only touch his things and not his roommate’s, the woman was still able to clean Baekhyun’s side by the end of it all without any complaints of the accumulated rubbish just from the other’s bed.

Jongdae got kisses on both cheeks when Baekhyun came back to see their room clean. The other even pushed it by calling him ‘brother’ and the best thing of it all was Baekhyun’s face scrunching when Jongdae was able to sign him ‘shut up’.

He had not regretted being called a cockblock by his friend for two weeks because Yixing (and sometimes Baekhyun himself) would teach him the language. He was far from fluent, but he could at least sign the basic, understand fragments and use it to shut his roommate up if he wanted to.

* * *

  
The first week into the semester, his new schedule gave him longer breaks in between his classes but he’d have lab from four to six and rehearsals for the sem’s play until eight. That meant he couldn’t hang out much with Baekhyun and the others even though he and Junmyeon were finally getting along okay.

Well into the second week, he was already back to wearing his glasses because his contact lenses would refuse to stick into his dry eyeballs. It was past three in the afternoon and most of the other students in the library were nodding off into their readings and pile of books. Jongdae was tempted to do the same, but he couldn’t afford to not use his break wisely.

A tall drink was placed next to him which had him looking up to the person who approached his table.

“Junmyeon-su―” The older frowned and Jongdae immediately corrected himself. “Junmyeon-hyung.”

The senior nodded and gestured towards the chair across Jongdae.

He signed ‘sure’ which had Junmyeon gawking.

‘Do you understand this now?’ asked the older with his gestures while Jongdae replied with ‘a little’.

“Yixing-hyung and Baekhyun taught me during the break,” he further explained, although he wasn’t able to sign it. “What brings you to our college library, hyung? You still have science courses this semester?”

Junmyeon signed but Jongdae just tilted his head in confusion so the older resorted to writing the answer down instead: Math 55.

“Why?” Jongdae whined in surprise, making the other students send glares his way. Junmyeon was shocked, too, and had his stone-hard face on but he was betrayed by his eyes which were twitching. It was a bit amusing. “Is 55 still a prereq?” he asked in a softer voice and the older nodded slowly. “Does that mean you still need my help?” With this Junmyeon nodded faster. “Okay, I’ll help you,” he said. His smile just followed right after, and so did the reply in the form of his favorite beam from the older.

 

Surely, the effect of Junmyeon’s smile in his system was apparent when he had been staring into nothing on his bed for a time and the only thing that registered was Baekhyun’s face hovering just a few centimeters from his and the resulting smooch.

His feet defended him and launched his roommate off his bed and onto the floor.

“Why’d you have to kick me?!” shouted Baekhyun, rubbing his hips as he tried to stand up.

“Why’d you have to do that?” he replied. “Give me my second kiss back!”

His roommate was next to him in a second. “Shit, man, I’m sorry.” Baekhyun was soon rubbing circles on his shoulder. “Wait! So Junmyeon-hyung was your first kiss? Guy kiss? Actual first kiss?”

He pushed Baekhyun away and plopped on his bed, making his pillow a barrier from his annoying roommate. “What does it have to do with you?” he mumbled.

“Because you’re a primary source and it’s my responsibility to check whether something is factual or not!” came Baekhyun’s muffled voice through the pillow.

“I don’t want to talk to you,” he said burrowing himself deeper into the corner of his bed and willed himself to sleep. He ignored it when the door to their room slammed shut. 

Minutes passed and Jongdae was starting to doze off when the door loudly opened and was once again slammed close. This sucked the patience out of him so he sat up and glared at Baekhyun who was stomping towards his bed.

“Baekhyun, would you be kind to not be this loud?” he asked, voice a bit jagged at the edges.

“I did it. I passed your second kiss to Junmyeon-hyung.”

“You did _what_?”

“I did what I thought was right. It’s logical,” Baekhyun proudly huffed while walking around.

“I pray to god Yixing-hyung wasn’t there to witness that.”

“Xing-hyung was―FUCK!” Baekhyun stopped pacing and headed outside again, either telling himself or telling Jongdae he needed to explain why he kissed Kim Junmyeon and not precious Zhang Yixing out of friendship. The door slammed to a close for the nth time and the RA soon checked on their room to complain.

* * *

  
Jongdae’s problem with relationship involved Baekhyun and Yixing. Ever since his roommate passed on the kiss nights ago and eventually explained to the biology senior that Baekhyun would only like Yixing and Yixing alone, the two hit it off in a way that eyeing and smiling at each other while the rest were around brought a whole new meaning to flirting.

It wasn’t official. Both Baekhyun and Yixing insisted they were friends but everyone in the group knew what was coming. And it seemed like Jongdae (and maybe Junmyeon) were the only people who didn’t have someone to be romantically involved with.

Kyungsoo mentioned during their Friday study session [which Jongdae luckily got to attend once] that although he wasn’t taken (yet), he was being taken for granted by his tall varsity childhood friend. When everybody in the table took turns guessing who it might be, Kyungsoo just shrugged the guesses off.

The same went with Minseok who had a long-time relationship with an online persona in an MMORPG. He and his significant other had been talking for more than three years although they had not seen each other yet. It was the most solid and questionable relationship Jongdae came to encounter, but it was the kind which made Minseok, whom he had already considered a friend, happy. And that was more important.

As to Junmyeon, the senior had been back to his tense self around him ever since Baekhyun approached their room with the infamous kiss. And that was Jongdae’s main problem. He just wished everybody would get along, but Junmyeon was back to his stone cold self especially when it came to Jongdae and it was somehow getting to him again.

The older still came to their study sessions, and would spend an hour or two silently answering problem sets with his stony expression while Jongdae was wilting deep down due to the awkward atmosphere.

Jongdae wanted to talk to the senior about it. But he also noticed that Junmyeon would remove his hearing aid whenever he was studying so he could only glance at the other's work or sign ‘are you done?’ whenever Junmyeon would look up from his notebook and forget his self-imposed rule to avoid looking at him.

This situation went on for almost a week and Jongdae was close to full whining but his supposedly reliable sounding board called Byun Baekhyun was on leave. Jongdae didn’t want to impose because Baekhyun’s rectangular grin had only gotten wider the past few days that Jongdae could believe it would emit light energy. On his fourth night of agony with his Junmyeon problem, Baekhyun was happily talking about bringing Yixing to KoKo because he noticed the older getting stressed.

As far as Jongdae could remember, KoKo was a famous play place for kids in the area and Baekhyun’s statement was confusing.

“He was so happy when we were in the ball pit JD, he even gave my cheek a thank you kiss. This is no longer sophia! This is eros!” Baekhyun shouted, as usual.

Jongdae groaned as he tried his best not to complain and was only able to say a bittersweet “I’m happy for the both of you.”

Baekhyun raised his pointer finger and tutted. “Sheep creatures―don’t tell my college, they’ll disown me―are very meek and stubborn, JD. It takes a lot of patience to make them open up.”

“Where is this talk going?”

“I’m just saying that both Xing-hyung and Junmyeon-hyung are born in the year of the sheep. So there are similarities on how you handle them.”

“That’s bull.” But deep down, Jongdae actually wanted to believe.

“Maybe we should swap majors. You don’t like taking selfies and you deny horoscopes. You’ll be my professors’ most favorite,” Baekhyun said as he tucked his laptop under his arm and headed outside, saying he’d spend the night playing games with Kyungsoo. 

 

Shifting was what Baekhyun suggested the night before and Jongdae’s sophomore geology major self was close to calling it quits and maybe changing majors was an actual option to consider. Maybe he would shine bright as a philosophy major. He could no longer understand the figures anyway. He had consulted his professors but nothing was registering. He could no longer understand anything at all.

And maybe he’d go bald with the way he was constantly pulling on his hair while studying. For once he was able to tune out Junmyeon’s presence and just focus on his notes and books until his eyes and brain became more acquainted with the symbols on the paper. He couldn’t understand why not being liked by a person was affecting him.

“Jongdae―” called a soft, unfamiliar voice.

Jongdae’s response was automatic, a ‘what?’ while finishing to copy a line from the text before looking up to the person who called him.

But when he looked up, there was no person close enough to call him except Junmyeon who was intently staring at him. Closed books, closed notes and worn hearing aid.

Maybe it was just Jongdae’s mind playing tricks on him. And Junmyeon’s hesitant hands were trying to sign but no words could be formed. Then the older’s hands gave up and clenched in front of him.

“Are you okay?” came Junmyeon’s careful, soft voice. It was forced and the older looked like he choked on his own words.

Nonetheless, it left Jongdae stupefied, staring at the older in a way he would not be considered clever. “I don’t think I am.” Junmyeon flinched upon hearing that. “Hyung, you can talk.”

There was a guilty look on Junmyeon’s eyes and the older immediately reached for notebook and swiftly wrote something.

‘I can. I’ve always been able to.’

A turn of a page and some angry scratching of pen and paper.

‘I get really nervous around you.’

Then another page.

‘My voice leaves me so I couldn’t talk to you.’

And another.

‘I’m trying, so please don’t be mad at me.’

Junmyeon signed ‘I’m really sorry’ with his shaking hands and forced himself to say it out loud.

In a moment, Jongdae was standing and reaching out to the senior’s hands. “Hyung, you don’t need to force yourself to talk, okay? I’ll learn to read signs better so I’ll understand. Just talk to me once you feel comfortable. I’m not mad. I hope you’re not mad at me, too.” 

The older shook his head. “I feel really bad,” Junmyeon rambled, “if I can’t explain it to you. I―I want to talk to you, too.”

“We can start slowly,” Jongdae said. He wanted to tell the older that calling him by his name had been enough, that Junmyeon’s voice was beautiful, but he could not say the words without it sounding patronising.

He was a big cuddler, too, the want to just hug Junmyeon who looked so small then was growing stronger, but it might be overdoing the comforting. As he had said, start slowly, so he just held the other’s hands firmer as the older calmed down.

* * *

  
Mid-semester, life became easier. The theater org’s play was a success with the number of people who came to watch each date. And no matter how packed the theater was, Jongdae was easily able to find Junmyeon sitting with his roommate and the rest in the audience. Kyungsoo was at the back stage with Jongdae the whole time, but they both got equal praises and tight hugs from their friends when the show was over.

He worried that he had done wrong again, with Junmyeon barely moving in his place while the group was out eating. But once they were left behind while walking back to the campus, the older had said the most important praise [aside from his mom’s praises] which Jongdae was vying for.

“Jongdae,” Junmyeon called. Jongdae had yet to tell the senior that he’d never get tired hearing his name from him.

“What is it, hyung?” he asked.

“You were shining on the stage. It was beautiful.”

And as natural as the older’s words were, his arms wrapped Junmyeon and hugged him. “Your words are, too. Thanks, hyung.”

He thought Junmyeon had something else to say, but soon Baekhyun was shouting “Come on man! No fair!” and was barreling back towards them, arms spread wide to join in the hug. It was once again a chain reaction, when Yixing followed, and Minseok, too. Kyungsoo should be the exception, but after saying ‘This is so gay’ he joined the glomping and nothing had been more awkward than six grown-up men sharing a hug on a campus sidewalk when midterm exams were fast approaching.

* * *

  
Midterms week, Jongdae had not gotten out of habit studying in the library with Junmyeon. It had become a routine for the both of them―when the older would remove his hearing aids, they’d quietly study by themselves. If not, or if Junmyeon would put them back, Jongdae would take it as a sign that the other wanted to talk to him, so he’d work on easier topics during those times so he could keep up with the conversation.

It was a timely sanity break for him half an hour later when Junmyeon had put the device back to his ear and called his name with an accompanying gentle pat on Jongdae’s arm.

Jongdae had started to find comfort in that specific moment. For him, Junmyeon was the softest, gentlest person and being called by his name and patted like that was like being summoned by the heavens.

‘What’s the difference between a socio major and an anthro major?’ was the question on Junmyeon’s notebook.

He thought, recalling if he knew someone from the other department. “I don’t know any socio major, hyung. But I do know of an anthro major. And he’s really handsome.”

Junmyeon’s face turned hard but the most magical thing happened in front of Jongdae eyes. Blush was creeping on the senior’s cheeks and it was the cutest thing ever.

“Hyung! You’re blushing!” he pointed out, while Junmyeon raised his notebook and threatened to hit him with it. The action reminded Jongdae of a baby threatening to throw his toy. 

Maybe it was some kind of wishful coincidence that somebody from one of the nearby shelves coughed and Junmyeon brought his notebook down while Jongdae tried to tame his chuckles.

“So hyung, tell me the answer. What’s the difference?”

Junmyeon shook his head with a small pout.

“Come ooon. Pleeease?” he whined and it somehow worked because Junmyeon was looking at him with surprise.

‘The former likes living people better,’ signed the older.

“So the handsome anthro major doesn’t like me?” he jokingly asked and then copied the pout Junmyeon had earlier.

It was super effective to get some reaction from Junmyeon because he was soon writing with intensity Jongdae had rarely seen before on his notebook.

‘You looked like you were dying while studying earlier,’ it said.

Jongdae tried his hardest not to laugh because the senior had his angry face on while telling a joke. But somehow the message implied that Junmyeon did not _not like_ him and he was happy with that.

* * *

  
Drama came to Jongdae’s semester nearing the third quarter when Baekhyun decided to slack off. The thing was, it wasn’t even Jongdae’s personalized form of drama―he and Junmyeon were busy studying and throwing lame puns to each other which his roommate dubbed as the vaguest form of flirting of the current epoch.

It was their other friends’ problem; specifically Minseok’s and Kyungsoo’s.

Baekhyun did a double exposure on Kyungsoo by a.) telling about the high jump varsity Park Chanyeol, whom they had been suspecting to be the tall childhood friend Kyungsoo was throwing shade about, was going out with a high schooler, therefore ending Kyungsoo’s supposed love life; and b.) Baekhyun mentioned in passing about finding Kyungsoo’s character in the server of the game they were playing and saying Kyungsoo was user a_gamer while Minseok insisted Baekhyun was out of his mind. Eventually, to stop the confusion, Kyungsoo admitted he was a_gamer.

Jongdae and Yixing were exchanging confused glances why Kyungsoo was tearfully proving he was the user while showing them the game logs and Minseok was not moving in the corner.

User a_gamer was the game account Minseok had been talking to for more than three years. Kyungsoo was Minseok’s significant other but the former had been lying about it. Kyungsoo had betrayed Minseok. 

If Junmyeon was a human-like statue when he’d choose to be silent, Minseok was an iceberg in Jongdae’s and Baekhyun’s room. Kyungsoo was trying to explain and the rest were trying to calm the two down while the eldest in the room just stood there and staring at Kyungsoo with withheld scorn.

It went on for a few more awkward seconds until Minseok turned to the door and left them like nothing happened. Jongdae couldn’t get angry at Kyungsoo, but lying was still wrong and their friend was hurt so he ran after Minseok. Yixing followed, leaving Junmyeon and Baekhyun to calm Kyungsoo down.

“Minseok-hyung!” Jongdae called, tucking his shoelaces in, after their senior who kept on walking on the pavement outside their dorm barefooted. Yixing ran past him to reach out and stop the eldest from walking any further.

“Hyung, we know it hurts. It’s okay to be angry about it. It’s okay to let it out,” Yixing said holding Minseok’s face with his hands. “We are here. We’ll listen. We’ll never leave you alone if you don’t want to.”

Jongdae took his coat off and draped it across the eldest’s shoulders. Minseok was just wearing a pair of thin white shirt and track pants and the late winter air was unforgiving.

“It’s really cold out here. Let’s get you inside, hyung,” Jongdae said.

Minseok refused to budge when Jongdae tried to move him. And in a second, large tears fell from Minseok’s eyes. Yixing took off his jacket and laid it on the pavement, telling Minseok to step on it. When the eldest didn’t move, Yixing decided to manually plant the guy’s feet on it while the other was busy sobbing.

“You can cry as much as you want, Minseok-hyung. But you also have to keep warm,” Yixing said as he covered the older’s feet with his jacket to keep them warm. “We don’t want you getting s-sick.”

When Minseok had calmed down, Jongdae offered to carry their friend on his back back to the dorm. Yixing offered their room if in case Minseok wanted to be alone and away from his own room for a while. The eldest nodded to both.

 

That night, they had to temporarily swap rooms. Minseok refused to go out after settling on Yixing’s bed; Junmyeon offered his bed to Yixing which the latter gratefully accepted; Kyungsoo, whom they had to extract from the kitchen floor with his bowl of Cheerios was back in his and Minseok’s room; while Baekhyun, feeling guilty with what happened offered to keep Kyungsoo company; which left Jongdae temporarily rooming with Junmyeon in their room.

“I’d rather you sleep on my bed than my roommate’s pig sty,” he said as he picked his bolster and headed to Baekhyun’s bed, gesturing his own bed to Junmyeon.

‘You’re harsh on Baekhyun,’ Junmyeon signed.

“If he didn’t choke on a Cheerio and wasn’t able to calm Kyungsoo down I would choke him myself,” he said as he settled and made himself comfortable on Baekhyun’s bed. The older was sitting on his bed and had a troubled face. “Just kidding, hyung. Don’t worry, I can’t hurt Baekhyun. He the closest friend I’ve got.”

Junmyeon nodded to that and stayed sitting on the corner of Jongdae’s bed.

“You need to sleep now. You have an early class tomorrow, right?” Jongdae turned to reach for the lamp on Baekhyun’s table. “Do we leave the lights on?” Junmyeon shook his head as he lay on the bed and Jongdae turned off the lights.

“Jongdae, thank you,” was Junmyeon’s soft good night greeting after a while. Or maybe that was a wishful thing Jongdae dreamed of knowing Junmyeon was in his room and sleeping on his bed. There was nothing the older needed to thank Jongdae for, too, so it totally didn’t make any sense.

* * *

  
It was nearly four pm one Friday. Jongdae should be hurrying back to the lab but he forgot the time as he played some songs from his playlist in the lowest volume possible for Junmyeon to still hear it without disturbing the other students with the noise.

It was amusing to watch because the older was nodding his head along to the beat of the music while reading and with that image, Jongdae let himself be drowned in the melody, too, letting the pace guide him in his reading. Most of the songs played were instrumentals, until a familiar tune started playing. The song which somehow started it all, between him and the senior.

_Why do birds, suddenly appear..._

When Jongdae looked up from his book, Junmyeon was staring at him and seemed to have something to say. So he waited.

“Jongdae,” Junmyeon carefully said, “I like you.”

The music in the background stopped like a broken track, like a hit in the rewind button. He was staring at Jongdae like he had revealed one of his greatest secrets, confused and hopeful and worried.

Jongdae had so many questions―the what? The why? The when? but he wasn’t able to ask anything and could only stare at the senior across him in shock.

“Hyung, I―” he tried saying, but Junmyeon was starting to gather his things hurriedly and leaving his seat. It was deja vu, seeing the older leave like he did the first time they met.

He didn’t bother with his things anymore as he ran after Junmyeon. The older was a fast runner, and Jongdae was worried he’d never catch up.

Luckily for him, and very unluckily for the older, Junmyeon tripped and fell, which slowed him down.

The older was crouching, covering his grazed knee with a handkerchief, when Jongdae caught up.

“Hyung.” Junmyeon covered his ears with his palms upon hearing Jongdae call him. Jongdae then decided to crouch in front of Junmyeon so they could talk. “Hyung, please listen?” he asked, holding the older’s wrists and gently pulling them away from covering Junmyeon’s ears.

“This is important to me as your confession is important to you, too,” he said.

“I’m sorry, Jongdae,” Junmyeon croaked as tears brimmed in his eyes. “Please forget about it.”

“Do you know that infamous poem in geology, hyung?” he asked, trying to distract the older. “It goes like this: cuprites are red, indicolites are blue…?” he trailed off, getting Junmyeon’s attention. Jongdae withheld a smile as the older shook his head. “These gemstones are rare, but not as rare as you.”

“What?” Junmyeon softly sobbed, seeming more confused than ever as he rubbed his tears away.

“I like you, too, Junmyeon-hyung,” Jongdae admitted, waiting for the words to sink into Junmyeon.

‘Are you kidding me?’ signed the other.

“Kim Junmyeon, I like you,” he repeated. “I want you to be my boyfriend. Is that clear enough?”

There was a few seconds lag and a stony-faced senior in front of him until the older was nodding his head slowly.

“Yes,”Junmyeon said, bittersweet smile on his lips.

Jongdae was about to whinge that the older’s answer was vague until hands held his cheeks and in a moment, Junmyeon was sharing with him his third kiss (ever). **#**

**Author's Note:**

> Much thanks to the kind mods and apologies to the prompter for the quality of this story.
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> End scene: Baekhyun and Yixing were frolicking in the distance ala the pegasus babies in Disney Fantasia while Kyungsoo and Minseok gave each other a high five in their dorms upon seeing a live stream of Junmyeon and Jongdae smooching. ~~It was all a set-up.~~


End file.
